F.O.R.M.- Monchielle Views: 86
Nov 17, 2009 8:53 pm F.O.R.M.- Monchielle #
Jack Huber The Monchielle poem consists of four five-line stanzas in which the first line is identical in each stanza. All lines are six syllables in length, in any meter, and lines three and five in each stanza rhyme. Lines one, two and four do not rhyme.
Example:
Behold the Hawk
The hawk surveys the grounds
with keen and focused eyes,
no movement will escape
attention; none will taunt
this feared and stoic shape.
The hawk surveys the grounds,
his kingdom, from the trees,
majestic wings await
a mouse or smaller bird
oblivious to fate.
The hawk surveys the grounds
as afternoon declines
the ravens' calls begin
a frantic chorus line,
his brothers closing in.
The hawk surveys the grounds,
his nest and mate nearby,
well past the harvest moon,
there is no time to waste
with winter coming soon.
Copyright © 2009 by Jack Huber-
All rights reserved.
Private Reply to Jack Huber
Nov 17, 2009 8:56 pm re: F.O.R.M.- Monchielle #
Diane Stephenson Jack: Great descriptive poem. I've never heard of this form before but it is very interesting and effective.
Diane
Private Reply to Diane Stephenson
Nov 17, 2009 9:42 pm re: re: F.O.R.M.- Monchielle #
Jack Huber Thanks, Diane. I hope you'll try your hand...
Jack
Private Reply to Jack Huber
Nov 18, 2009 12:59 am re: F.O.R.M.- Monchielle #
Maya Mahant hiya jack, i am not too sure i have it right
cats don't cry
oh why oh why oh why
he said he loved me not
words he spoke pierced my heart
words of tears,spoke through eyes,
arrow sharp, had hurt the heart
oh why oh why oh why
his heart was with a girl
sweet of heart, not a cat
who scratched,but girl smart
rode straight into his heart.
oh why oh why oh why
he answers not calls now
busy with his love new
from lands of far and wide
this cat, too proud to mew
oh why oh why oh why
alley cat shall walk streets
independent and alone
bereft lonely and sad
cats will not cry and moan
Private Reply to Maya Mahant
Nov 18, 2009 8:23 am re: re: F.O.R.M.- Monchielle #
Jack Huber Maya, a very cute poem. The only thing keeping it from fully conforming to the Monchielle form is the wrong lines rhyme in the 2nd stanza (the third and fifth lines of each stanza should rhyme). Also, in the first stanza, using heart twice doesn't really count as rhyiming.
Jack
Private Reply to Jack Huber
Nov 18, 2009 8:56 am re: re: re: F.O.R.M.- Monchielle #
Maya Mahant jack tweaked it a little bit. did i get it right this time? and yes you are right sounds bit cutesy like the 'chickflick romances'!!
cats don't cry
oh why oh why oh why
he said he loved me not
words he spoke pierced my soul
arrow sharp, had hurt the heart
will alley cat be ever whole?
oh why oh why oh why
his heart was with a girl
sweet of heart, not a feline
who scratched,but girl smart
into his heart made a beeline
oh why oh why oh why
he answers not calls now
busy with his love new
from lands of far and wide
this cat, too proud to mew
oh why oh why oh why
alley cat shall walk streets
independent and alone
bereft lonely and sad
cat will not cry and moan
Private Reply to Maya Mahant
Nov 18, 2009 1:07 pm re: re: re: re: F.O.R.M.- Monchielle #
Jack Huber The rhyming is now purrrfect, but the number of syllables is off in a few lines:
arrow sharp, had hurt the heart (7)
will alley cat be ever whole? (8)
sweet of heart, not a feline (7)
who scratched,but girl smart (5)
into his heart made a beeline (8)
Now, this is only to conform perfectly. You can choose not to, making it a variation on the Monchielle.
Jack
Private Reply to Jack Huber
Nov 18, 2009 3:16 pm re: re: re: re: re: F.O.R.M.- Monchielle #
Maya Mahant jack i hope i might have it right this time. i would really like to get it right. thank you so very much for taking the trouble and patience to guide me.
arrow sharp, hurt the heart
will cat be ever whole?
sweet of heart, not feline
who scratched,but girl so smart
to his heart made beeline
with warm regards
maya
Private Reply to Maya Mahant
Nov 18, 2009 5:28 pm re: re: re: re: re: re: F.O.R.M.- Monchielle #
Jack Huber The new syllable counts are corrct. Why don't you post your final version?
Jack
Private Reply to Jack Huber
Nov 19, 2009 5:37 am re: re: re: re: re: re: re: F.O.R.M.- Monchielle #
Maya Mahant hiya jack,
all the while i wrote was without any technique. i am truly grateful to you and this forum. in a short while i have learnt two new forms.
thank you
cats don't cry
oh why oh why oh why
he said he loved me not
words he spoke pierced my soul
arrow sharp, hurt the heart
will cat be ever whole?
oh why oh why oh why
his heart was with a girl
sweet of heart, not feline
who scratched,but girl so smart
to his heart made beeline
oh why oh why oh why
he answers not calls now
busy with his love new
from lands of far and wide
this cat, too proud to mew
oh why oh why oh why
alley cat shall walk streets
independent and alone
bereft lonely and sad
cat will not cry and moan
Private Reply to Maya Mahant
Nov 19, 2009 10:18 pm re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: F.O.R.M.- Monchielle #
Ayub Bangroo Jack,your poem reminds me of a poem "hawk roosting"by Ted Huges.Beautiful description.
Maya,superb poem,feelings and emotions are so delicately woven with appropriate words.
Private Reply to Ayub Bangroo
Nov 19, 2009 11:48 pm re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: F.O.R.M.- Monchielle #
Manohar Bhatia Jacko,
Your poem is very intersting to read,especially in the F.O.R.M. you have written.This is something new for me to understand and learn.Jack,keep your fingers crossed,I am thinking to craft this type of a poem.
Manohar Bhatia
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Nov 20, 2009 12:11 am re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: F.O.R.M.- Monchielle #
Maya Mahant hiya ayub,
thank you, credit for form is all jacks, he helped me through it.
warm regards
maya
Private Reply to Maya Mahant
Nov 20, 2009 1:24 am re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: F.O.R.M.- Monchielle #
Manohar Bhatia Dear Maya,
Your instant brave attempt for Jacko's F.O.R.M. is praiseworthy;keep writing more poetry,you are doing fine.
Manohar Bhatia
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Nov 20, 2009 10:01 am re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: F.O.R.M.- Monchielle #
Manohar Bhatia Hi Jack,
After working hard,I have come up with this poem on your F.O.R.M.--Monchielle:::::::::
"Beyond The Mountain."
Beyond the Mountain nestles
at the end of the valley
a clean beautiful plateau
with a cluster of huts
all identical like a ghetto!
Beyond the Mountain nestles
a breathtaking scene
the air,so crisp,clean,mild,
for beautiful flowers to bloom
and tiny animals running in the wild.
Beyond the Mountain nestles
a nature's paradise
with a gentle flowing stream
and small pebbles embedded
on either banks in the green!
Beyond the Mountain nestles
a beautiful gothic church
its tower bell ringing
a soothing soft sound
and people with bible in hand singing!
---The End---
Manohar Bhatia
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Nov 20, 2009 10:33 am re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: F.O.R.M.- Monchielle #
Jack Huber A very good poem, Manohar. However, the true Monchielle will use exactly 6 syllables per line. For your convenience I've noted the number of syllables at the end of each line of your poem:
Beyond the Mountain nestles (7)
at the end of the valley (7)
a clean beautiful plateau (7)
with a cluster of huts (6)
all identical like a ghetto! (9)
Beyond the Mountain nestles (7)
a breathtaking scene (5)
the air,so crisp,clean,mild, (6)
for beautiful flowers to bloom (8)
and tiny animals running in the wild. (11)
Beyond the Mountain nestles (7)
a nature's paradise (6)
with a gentle flowing stream (7)
and small pebbles embedded (7)
on either banks in the green! (7)
Beyond the Mountain nestles (7)
a beautiful gothic church (7)
its tower bell ringing (6)
a soothing soft sound (5)
and people with bible in hand singing! (10)
Thought you would want to know.
Jack
Private Reply to Jack Huber
Nov 23, 2009 7:22 am re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: F.O.R.M.- Monchielle #
Manohar Bhatia Jack,
I have corrected the syllables in each line and now the poem reads as::::::::::
"Beyond The Mountain."
Beyond the mountain wall
at the end of valley
nestles clean,beautiful plateau
with a cluster of huts
all same like a ghetto!
Beyond the mountain wall
is a breathtaking scene
the air so crisp,clean,mild
for coloured flowers to bloom
and bees buzzing in wild!
Beyond the mountain wall
is nature's paradise
with gentle flowing stream
and small pebbles burried
on either banks in green!
Beyond the mountain wall
stands lovely Gothic Church
its tower bell ringing
a soothing soft sound
with people praying,singing!
--The End--
Manohar Bhatia
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