Monday Poem:::::::::::::::::: "What Is This Life..............?" Views: 23
Apr 19, 2010 3:24 am Monday Poem:::::::::::::::::: "What Is this Life..............?" #
Manohar Bhatia What is this life full of trouble
all the time for a rumble
but no time for a quiet grumble?
What is this life full of tension
all the time for an apprehension
but no time for an introspection?
What is this life full of discussion
all the time for a confrontation
but no time for an innovation?
What is life full of cocophony
all the time for blasphemy
but no time for hegemony?
What is life full of sadness
all the time for total madness
but no time for little goodness?
What is life full of doomsday
all the time for a death-day
but no time for an eventful day?
What is this life full of richness
all the time for deadly bitchiness
but no time for lovable playfullness?
-----The End----
copyright@ManoharBhatia
All rights are reserved.
Manohar Bhatia
Private Reply to Manohar Bhatia Delete your post
Apr 19, 2010 9:03 am re: Monday Poem:::::::::::::::::: "What Is this Life..............?" #
Diane Tegarden Manohar,
good questions! Who knows why we become bitter and loose our playfulness.....sometimes life can just wear you down.
To a brighter day,
Diane
Energetically, Diane Tegarden
"Getting OUT of Limbo-A Self Help Divorce Book for Women";"Light Through
Shuttered Window- A Compendium of my Poetry";"Anti-Vigilante and The
Rips in Time"- available at www.firewalkerpublications.com and www.Amazon.com
Private Reply to Diane Tegarden
Apr 19, 2010 9:30 am re: Monday Poem:::::::::::::::::: "What Is this Life..............?" #
Jack Huber Manohar,
You are fulfilling your job as a poet in asking these poignant questions. Well done. I look forward to your future poem that tries to answer them.
Jack
Private Reply to Jack Huber
Apr 19, 2010 12:00 pm re: re: Monday Poem:::::::::::::::::: "What Is this Life..............?" #
Ayub Bangroo
Manohar,
you have got a peculiar style of writing poetry.
This poem is in the nature of a debate putting some valid questions.It takes a whole life to answer such questions.i enjoyed the following lines especially:-
What is this life full of richness
all the time for deadly bitchiness
but no time for lovable playfullness?
Ayub
Private Reply to Ayub Bangroo
Apr 19, 2010 1:23 pm re: Monday Poem:::::::::::::::::: "What Is this Life..............?" #
Diane Stephenson Manohar:
You have asked some very poignant questions that most people don't even think about let alone ask themselves. Perhaps if they did, your questions would not have to be asked? Your poem is very thought-provoking.
Diane
Private Reply to Diane Stephenson
Apr 20, 2010 12:49 am re: Monday Poem:::::::::::::::::: "What Is this Life..............?" #
Maya Mahant Manohar,
I concur with Ayub, you have a very distinctive style which has become your signature. Very thought provoking questions you have asked, I wish we had the right answers!
Maya
Private Reply to Maya Mahant
Apr 20, 2010 1:51 am re: Monday Poem:::::::::::::::::: "What Is this Life..............?" #
Manohar Bhatia Hello,
Di::::I am an issue-based person and my mind always ticks on how to bring harmony in the world.Thanks for reading.
Jack::Yes,definitely I will try for some answers in my future poems.
Ayub::Yes,I do have my own style of writing poetry.Good that you enjoyed the last triplet.
Diane:Its very nice to read your response on the poem.
Maya::Your kind words are wholly appreciated.
Manohar Bhatia
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Monday Poem:::::: "The City In Seige."
::::::::::: "The City In Siege." Views: 24
Apr 12, 2010 8:14 am Monday Poem::::::::::: "The City In Siege." #
Manohar Bhatia Members,
I just saw a photo of this city and this poem came to me::::::::::
"The City In Siege."
This city in the range
is as dangerous a place
as a badge on his shirt
the Sheriff is doing his duty
to wipe out out-laws from ghost town.
Mid-night calm is
as sinister as a dawn
all looking quiet
except the barks of dogs.
High noon on the near-by river
looks suicidal in a summer
for youngsters wanting to swim
invited by the river grim.
A spring evening
looks full of promise
honey-bees collect pollens
buzzing to ferilize in stems.
In the bar after office-hours
the suspence is scary
No soul in sight
only a bartender for a cigarette
to light for a brave soul.
The dusty road
is nostalgic for me
where me and my beloved
were sick with passionate love.
Dons in this fearsome city
are happy-go-lucky
as a child of innocense
giving an endearing smile.
Alas! The Sheriff looks helpless!
--The End--
copyright@ManoharBhatia
All rights are reserved.
Manohar Bhatia
Private Reply to Manohar Bhatia Delete your post
Apr 12, 2010 8:41 am re: Monday Poem::::::::::: "The City In Siege." #
Diane Tegarden Manohar,
now that you know how to post a picture, maybe you can let us see the accompanying image? Your words tell of us a dusty and desperate little place, I'm imagining somewhere in the US' Old West.
Many a cowboy movie was filmed in such a town,
Diane T.
Energetically, Diane Tegarden
"Getting OUT of Limbo-A Self Help Divorce Book for Women";"Light Through
Shuttered Window- A Compendium of my Poetry";"Anti-Vigilante and The
Rips in Time"- available at www.firewalkerpublications.com and www.Amazon.com
Private Reply to Diane Tegarden
Apr 12, 2010 3:29 pm re: Monday Poem::::::::::: "The City In Siege." #
Jack Huber Manohar, you are full of similes and metaphors today... An interesting look at a wild west town- thanks for sharing it.
Jack
Private Reply to Jack Huber
Apr 13, 2010 5:23 am re: re: Monday Poem::::::::::: "The City In Siege." #
Manohar Bhatia Di & Jack,
Actually,lots of old cowboys movies had the same setting of an old town in the mid-fifties,where constant raidng by the out-laws was the order of the day.The gun battle between out-laws and the Sheriff was an every day affair.I also remember of a beautiful horse-carriage driven by a faithful bearded old man,important passengers being a stunningly pretty rich lady and his escort and maybe laoded with a trunk of gold!
This one is from the movie::::"Gun Fight At The O.K. Corral" ...I think It was Burt Lancaster and......other famous actor..I think Clint Eastwood.
I have a photo and I try to post it.Thanks for your comments on my silly poem.
Manohar Bhatia
Private Reply to Manohar Bhatia Delete your post
Apr 13, 2010 8:19 am re: re: re: Monday Poem::::::::::: "The City In Siege." #
Ayub Bangroo
Manohar,
A very imaginative poem,you have captured many images and painted them skilfully.
Ayub
Private Reply to Ayub Bangroo
Apr 13, 2010 11:08 pm re: Monday Poem::::::::::: "The City In Siege." #
Diane Stephenson Manohar:
You have created a picturesque word painting describing the place and the people. Good job!
Diane
Apr 12, 2010 8:14 am Monday Poem::::::::::: "The City In Siege." #
Manohar Bhatia Members,
I just saw a photo of this city and this poem came to me::::::::::
"The City In Siege."
This city in the range
is as dangerous a place
as a badge on his shirt
the Sheriff is doing his duty
to wipe out out-laws from ghost town.
Mid-night calm is
as sinister as a dawn
all looking quiet
except the barks of dogs.
High noon on the near-by river
looks suicidal in a summer
for youngsters wanting to swim
invited by the river grim.
A spring evening
looks full of promise
honey-bees collect pollens
buzzing to ferilize in stems.
In the bar after office-hours
the suspence is scary
No soul in sight
only a bartender for a cigarette
to light for a brave soul.
The dusty road
is nostalgic for me
where me and my beloved
were sick with passionate love.
Dons in this fearsome city
are happy-go-lucky
as a child of innocense
giving an endearing smile.
Alas! The Sheriff looks helpless!
--The End--
copyright@ManoharBhatia
All rights are reserved.
Manohar Bhatia
Private Reply to Manohar Bhatia Delete your post
Apr 12, 2010 8:41 am re: Monday Poem::::::::::: "The City In Siege." #
Diane Tegarden Manohar,
now that you know how to post a picture, maybe you can let us see the accompanying image? Your words tell of us a dusty and desperate little place, I'm imagining somewhere in the US' Old West.
Many a cowboy movie was filmed in such a town,
Diane T.
Energetically, Diane Tegarden
"Getting OUT of Limbo-A Self Help Divorce Book for Women";"Light Through
Shuttered Window- A Compendium of my Poetry";"Anti-Vigilante and The
Rips in Time"- available at www.firewalkerpublications.com and www.Amazon.com
Private Reply to Diane Tegarden
Apr 12, 2010 3:29 pm re: Monday Poem::::::::::: "The City In Siege." #
Jack Huber Manohar, you are full of similes and metaphors today... An interesting look at a wild west town- thanks for sharing it.
Jack
Private Reply to Jack Huber
Apr 13, 2010 5:23 am re: re: Monday Poem::::::::::: "The City In Siege." #
Manohar Bhatia Di & Jack,
Actually,lots of old cowboys movies had the same setting of an old town in the mid-fifties,where constant raidng by the out-laws was the order of the day.The gun battle between out-laws and the Sheriff was an every day affair.I also remember of a beautiful horse-carriage driven by a faithful bearded old man,important passengers being a stunningly pretty rich lady and his escort and maybe laoded with a trunk of gold!
This one is from the movie::::"Gun Fight At The O.K. Corral" ...I think It was Burt Lancaster and......other famous actor..I think Clint Eastwood.
I have a photo and I try to post it.Thanks for your comments on my silly poem.
Manohar Bhatia
Private Reply to Manohar Bhatia Delete your post
Apr 13, 2010 8:19 am re: re: re: Monday Poem::::::::::: "The City In Siege." #
Ayub Bangroo
Manohar,
A very imaginative poem,you have captured many images and painted them skilfully.
Ayub
Private Reply to Ayub Bangroo
Apr 13, 2010 11:08 pm re: Monday Poem::::::::::: "The City In Siege." #
Diane Stephenson Manohar:
You have created a picturesque word painting describing the place and the people. Good job!
Diane
Monday, April 5, 2010
Monday Poem::::::::"Why Switch Off Lights?"
Monday Poem::::::::::::::::::: "Why Switch Off Lights?" Views: 35
Mar 29, 2010 6:57 am Monday Poem::::::::::::::::::: "Why Switch Off Lights?" #
Manohar Bhatia Members,
Since it was an Earth Hour on 26th March,2010,requesting everyone to switch off power from 7.30p.m to 8.30p.m.I thought I will try out a poem::::::::::::::
"Why Switch Off Lights?"
Why switch off lights today?
beacause greed for 'power'is growing
to cater to man's unsatiable thirst
for progress in building new apartments
but succeeding in only in creating unbalanced society
where poor,downtrodden,suffer to eat food
left by noveau rich,celebs,others
Remember,its an Earth Hour to-day!
Why switch off lights lights to-day?
So that all gambling dens close
that may lead to rape,murder,extortion,
where the honest get caught
in cross-fire between 'A'& 'B' company
to be accidently bumped off in this encounter
for their kith & kin to mourns their deaths
Remember,its an Earth Hour to-day!
Why switch off lights to-day?
so that drinking bars have a dry day
alerting regular drinkers to face a test
and compulsive drinkers a forced rest
Also,lady tipplers a moment to ponder
to set their houses & children in order
and release them from this deadly habit
Remember,its an Earth Hour to-day!
Why switch off lights to-day?
so that we save enough power
for the have nots to see a ray of light
in their dwellings not seen for decades
and make them to feel humans too
to seek their trust,blessings,smiles,
which they have never experienced before.
Remember,its an Earth Hour to-day!
Why switch off lights to-day?
so that peace prevails in one hour
for everyone to enjoy some unforgetful moments
of hearing birds humming in the trees,
honey-bees merrily buzzing amongst flowers,
the pleasant sound of cool wind whistling,
allowing tiny waves splash delecately on beach front,
Remember,its an Earth Hour to-day!
--The End--
Copyright@ManoharBhatia
All rights are reserved.
Manohar Bhatia
Private Reply to Manohar Bhatia Delete your post
Mar 29, 2010 9:08 am re: Monday Poem::::::::::::::::::: "Why Switch Off Lights?" #
Diane Tegarden Manohar,
your poem tells us how we have become a society that wastes more than we need, and how the "haves" take so much away from the "have nots" until we are blind to our over consumption. A good moral tale.
Thank you for making us stop and think about how we live,
Diane T. and furfamily
Energetically, Diane Tegarden
"Getting OUT of Limbo-A Self Help Divorce Book for Women";"Light Through
Shuttered Window- A Compendium of my Poetry";"Anti-Vigilante and The
Rips in Time"- available at www.firewalkerpublications.com and www.Amazon.com
Private Reply to Diane Tegarden
Mar 29, 2010 11:17 am re: re: Monday Poem::::::::::::::::::: "Why Switch Off Lights?" #
Ayub Bangroo
Manoha,
of couse, we should switch off lights to remind ourselves that we have many human responsibilities as emphatically counted by you.Global warming is a horror but many other things keep the globe boiling.
Ayub
Private Reply to Ayub Bangroo
Mar 29, 2010 12:45 pm re: Monday Poem::::::::::::::::::: "Why Switch Off Lights?" #
Maya Mahant Manohar, your poem is an apt reminder, a timely wake up call. Nature had enough for everyones needs but not their greed.
Maya
Private Reply to Maya Mahant
Mar 29, 2010 5:12 pm re: Monday Poem::::::::::::::::::: "Why Switch Off Lights?" #
Diane Stephenson Manohar:
You have aptly brought out a strong message that people everywhere need to not only hear but also heed.
Diane
Private Reply to Diane Stephenson
Mar 30, 2010 5:40 am re: re: Monday Poem::::::::::::::::::: "Why Switch Off Lights?" #
Susan Graves Manohar
Thanks you just gave me an idea for this Thursdays Green Grove Post
Susan
Private Reply to Susan Graves
Mar 31, 2010 6:12 am re: re: re: Monday Poem::::::::::::::::::: "Why Switch Off Lights?" #
Manohar Bhatia Hi,
Di,Ayub,Maya,Diane & Susan::::::::::::::Thank you to each of you for your comments,which I always treasure.
Manohar Bhatia
Mar 29, 2010 6:57 am Monday Poem::::::::::::::::::: "Why Switch Off Lights?" #
Manohar Bhatia Members,
Since it was an Earth Hour on 26th March,2010,requesting everyone to switch off power from 7.30p.m to 8.30p.m.I thought I will try out a poem::::::::::::::
"Why Switch Off Lights?"
Why switch off lights today?
beacause greed for 'power'is growing
to cater to man's unsatiable thirst
for progress in building new apartments
but succeeding in only in creating unbalanced society
where poor,downtrodden,suffer to eat food
left by noveau rich,celebs,others
Remember,its an Earth Hour to-day!
Why switch off lights lights to-day?
So that all gambling dens close
that may lead to rape,murder,extortion,
where the honest get caught
in cross-fire between 'A'& 'B' company
to be accidently bumped off in this encounter
for their kith & kin to mourns their deaths
Remember,its an Earth Hour to-day!
Why switch off lights to-day?
so that drinking bars have a dry day
alerting regular drinkers to face a test
and compulsive drinkers a forced rest
Also,lady tipplers a moment to ponder
to set their houses & children in order
and release them from this deadly habit
Remember,its an Earth Hour to-day!
Why switch off lights to-day?
so that we save enough power
for the have nots to see a ray of light
in their dwellings not seen for decades
and make them to feel humans too
to seek their trust,blessings,smiles,
which they have never experienced before.
Remember,its an Earth Hour to-day!
Why switch off lights to-day?
so that peace prevails in one hour
for everyone to enjoy some unforgetful moments
of hearing birds humming in the trees,
honey-bees merrily buzzing amongst flowers,
the pleasant sound of cool wind whistling,
allowing tiny waves splash delecately on beach front,
Remember,its an Earth Hour to-day!
--The End--
Copyright@ManoharBhatia
All rights are reserved.
Manohar Bhatia
Private Reply to Manohar Bhatia Delete your post
Mar 29, 2010 9:08 am re: Monday Poem::::::::::::::::::: "Why Switch Off Lights?" #
Diane Tegarden Manohar,
your poem tells us how we have become a society that wastes more than we need, and how the "haves" take so much away from the "have nots" until we are blind to our over consumption. A good moral tale.
Thank you for making us stop and think about how we live,
Diane T. and furfamily
Energetically, Diane Tegarden
"Getting OUT of Limbo-A Self Help Divorce Book for Women";"Light Through
Shuttered Window- A Compendium of my Poetry";"Anti-Vigilante and The
Rips in Time"- available at www.firewalkerpublications.com and www.Amazon.com
Private Reply to Diane Tegarden
Mar 29, 2010 11:17 am re: re: Monday Poem::::::::::::::::::: "Why Switch Off Lights?" #
Ayub Bangroo
Manoha,
of couse, we should switch off lights to remind ourselves that we have many human responsibilities as emphatically counted by you.Global warming is a horror but many other things keep the globe boiling.
Ayub
Private Reply to Ayub Bangroo
Mar 29, 2010 12:45 pm re: Monday Poem::::::::::::::::::: "Why Switch Off Lights?" #
Maya Mahant Manohar, your poem is an apt reminder, a timely wake up call. Nature had enough for everyones needs but not their greed.
Maya
Private Reply to Maya Mahant
Mar 29, 2010 5:12 pm re: Monday Poem::::::::::::::::::: "Why Switch Off Lights?" #
Diane Stephenson Manohar:
You have aptly brought out a strong message that people everywhere need to not only hear but also heed.
Diane
Private Reply to Diane Stephenson
Mar 30, 2010 5:40 am re: re: Monday Poem::::::::::::::::::: "Why Switch Off Lights?" #
Susan Graves Manohar
Thanks you just gave me an idea for this Thursdays Green Grove Post
Susan
Private Reply to Susan Graves
Mar 31, 2010 6:12 am re: re: re: Monday Poem::::::::::::::::::: "Why Switch Off Lights?" #
Manohar Bhatia Hi,
Di,Ayub,Maya,Diane & Susan::::::::::::::Thank you to each of you for your comments,which I always treasure.
Manohar Bhatia
F.O.R.M. Poem::::::: Crapsey Cinquain.
F.O.R.M.- The Crapsey Cinquain Views: 39
Mar 30, 2010 8:17 pm F.O.R.M.- The Crapsey Cinquain #
Jack Huber Crapsey Cinquain
A cinquain can refer to any five-line poem with a set pattern or syllable count. Adelaide Crapsey, however, made the cinquain her own. Born in Brooklyn, NY, in 1878, at the turn of the century she was class poet at Vassar College in Poughkeepsie. Before her death of tuberculosis, her interest in haiku and tanka led her to develop her own cinquain patterns, as well as a new form of "doublet," a couplet that utilized two rhyming lines of ten syllables each. Much of Adelaide's work was published posthumously and it was Carl Sandburg's poem, "Adelaide Crapsey," that re-established her and her art form in popular culture.
Without rhyming, the Crapsey cinquain was most often written in iambic meter ("duh-DUM") and had a set syllable pattern. Its 22 syllables were arranged in lines of 2,4,6,8 and 2 syllables, respectively, for lines one through five.
Crapsey cinquains are the most popular but variations do exist. A “reverse cinquain” has a syllable pattern of 2-8-6-4-2 and a “mirror cinquain” pairs the Crapsey or standard cinquain with the reverse. Combining the two "mirror cinquain" stanzas and eliminating one of the two-syllable lines in the middle creates a nine-line “butterfly cinquain.” Link five stanzas and you have a “crown cinquain.” There seems to be no shortage of variations.
Examples:
Lightning
Its flash,
a brilliant test
of nighttime's secrecy,
exposes for an instant, then
escapes.
Cardinal
Red bird,
your glorious
plumage is radiant,
as your male ego is displayed
for her.
Copyright © 2010 by Jack Huber
Private Reply to Jack Huber
Mar 31, 2010 6:35 am re: F.O.R.M.- The Crapsey Cinquain #
Manohar Bhatia Jack,
I am trying out this Crapsey Cinquain::::::
Pink Necked Flamingoes.
Pink necks (2)
are eye-catching (4)
to watch in amazement (6)
especially picking fish from (8)
mud flats. (2)
I hope to be corrected.Thanks Jack for teaching me this easy new F.O.R.M.
Manohar Bhatia
Private Reply to Manohar Bhatia Delete your post
Mar 31, 2010 7:05 am re: F.O.R.M.- The Crapsey Cinquain #
dalip daswani
HEN
ruffle
your tail no more
your shimmering colors
no longer fascinate cocky
peacock
Private Reply to dalip daswani
Mar 31, 2010 9:01 am re: re: F.O.R.M.- The Crapsey Cinquain #
Maya Mahant Hard Rock
Three 'C's
of shining stone
costing a million buck,
carat, colour, clarity; a
diamond
Hard Rock
(Butterfly)
Four 'C's
of shining stone
costing a million buck
carat, cut, colour, clarity
hard rock.
Brilliant in gold or platinum
love's circlet forever;
girl's best friend, a
diamond.
Jack I am not sure of the syllable count of line 4 of both the poems.. carat (2), colour (2) clarity (3) cut (1)....?
Maya
Private Reply to Maya Mahant
Mar 31, 2010 11:25 am re: re: re: F.O.R.M.- The Crapsey Cinquain #
Jack Huber Manohar, Dalip and Maya, all are splendid examples of Crapsey cinquains, which now make you Crapsey poets...
Maya, your syllable counts are correct, but you might want to change "buck" to "bucks" (a million bucks).
Good job!
Jack
Private Reply to Jack Huber
Mar 31, 2010 11:31 am re: re: re: re: F.O.R.M.- The Crapsey Cinquain #
Maya Mahant Thanks Jack, I will. Happened with copy paste, missed the typo.
Maya
Private Reply to Maya Mahant
Apr 01, 2010 7:38 am re: re: re: re: F.O.R.M.- The Crapsey Cinquain #
Manohar Bhatia Jack,
Hip,hip,hurrays.........3 cheers to our very dear Jack,for teaching us this new F.O.R.M.God bless everyone in your family.
Manohar Bhatia
Mar 30, 2010 8:17 pm F.O.R.M.- The Crapsey Cinquain #
Jack Huber Crapsey Cinquain
A cinquain can refer to any five-line poem with a set pattern or syllable count. Adelaide Crapsey, however, made the cinquain her own. Born in Brooklyn, NY, in 1878, at the turn of the century she was class poet at Vassar College in Poughkeepsie. Before her death of tuberculosis, her interest in haiku and tanka led her to develop her own cinquain patterns, as well as a new form of "doublet," a couplet that utilized two rhyming lines of ten syllables each. Much of Adelaide's work was published posthumously and it was Carl Sandburg's poem, "Adelaide Crapsey," that re-established her and her art form in popular culture.
Without rhyming, the Crapsey cinquain was most often written in iambic meter ("duh-DUM") and had a set syllable pattern. Its 22 syllables were arranged in lines of 2,4,6,8 and 2 syllables, respectively, for lines one through five.
Crapsey cinquains are the most popular but variations do exist. A “reverse cinquain” has a syllable pattern of 2-8-6-4-2 and a “mirror cinquain” pairs the Crapsey or standard cinquain with the reverse. Combining the two "mirror cinquain" stanzas and eliminating one of the two-syllable lines in the middle creates a nine-line “butterfly cinquain.” Link five stanzas and you have a “crown cinquain.” There seems to be no shortage of variations.
Examples:
Lightning
Its flash,
a brilliant test
of nighttime's secrecy,
exposes for an instant, then
escapes.
Cardinal
Red bird,
your glorious
plumage is radiant,
as your male ego is displayed
for her.
Copyright © 2010 by Jack Huber
Private Reply to Jack Huber
Mar 31, 2010 6:35 am re: F.O.R.M.- The Crapsey Cinquain #
Manohar Bhatia Jack,
I am trying out this Crapsey Cinquain::::::
Pink Necked Flamingoes.
Pink necks (2)
are eye-catching (4)
to watch in amazement (6)
especially picking fish from (8)
mud flats. (2)
I hope to be corrected.Thanks Jack for teaching me this easy new F.O.R.M.
Manohar Bhatia
Private Reply to Manohar Bhatia Delete your post
Mar 31, 2010 7:05 am re: F.O.R.M.- The Crapsey Cinquain #
dalip daswani
HEN
ruffle
your tail no more
your shimmering colors
no longer fascinate cocky
peacock
Private Reply to dalip daswani
Mar 31, 2010 9:01 am re: re: F.O.R.M.- The Crapsey Cinquain #
Maya Mahant Hard Rock
Three 'C's
of shining stone
costing a million buck,
carat, colour, clarity; a
diamond
Hard Rock
(Butterfly)
Four 'C's
of shining stone
costing a million buck
carat, cut, colour, clarity
hard rock.
Brilliant in gold or platinum
love's circlet forever;
girl's best friend, a
diamond.
Jack I am not sure of the syllable count of line 4 of both the poems.. carat (2), colour (2) clarity (3) cut (1)....?
Maya
Private Reply to Maya Mahant
Mar 31, 2010 11:25 am re: re: re: F.O.R.M.- The Crapsey Cinquain #
Jack Huber Manohar, Dalip and Maya, all are splendid examples of Crapsey cinquains, which now make you Crapsey poets...
Maya, your syllable counts are correct, but you might want to change "buck" to "bucks" (a million bucks).
Good job!
Jack
Private Reply to Jack Huber
Mar 31, 2010 11:31 am re: re: re: re: F.O.R.M.- The Crapsey Cinquain #
Maya Mahant Thanks Jack, I will. Happened with copy paste, missed the typo.
Maya
Private Reply to Maya Mahant
Apr 01, 2010 7:38 am re: re: re: re: F.O.R.M.- The Crapsey Cinquain #
Manohar Bhatia Jack,
Hip,hip,hurrays.........3 cheers to our very dear Jack,for teaching us this new F.O.R.M.God bless everyone in your family.
Manohar Bhatia
Thursday, April 1, 2010
"Music That 'Cures' Deafness"_______ABNA Reviews
Feedback
Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award Reviews
ABNA Expert Reviewer
What is the strongest aspect of this excerpt?
This writer has a curious style – at once childish and yet descriptive. Since it is coming from another culture, I came to appreciate the choppiness of the prose after a few paragraphs. The allegories were fun.
What aspect needs the most work?
Overall, I found the language to be perhaps a bit TOO simple and childish, and feel the author needs to revisit their story for some editing and tightening up of the story without losing any of the essential English-as-a-second-language flavor.
What is your overall opinion of this excerpt?
I found myself surprised that I liked it and found the story engaging. The author writes in a kind of pidgin English that is easy to understand and also very charming.
ABNA Expert Reviewer
What is the strongest aspect of this excerpt?
The story takes place in an unfamiliar environment, the most impoverished province in India (Uttar Pradesh). This draws the reader in, because the reader will be interested in strange cultural practices and strange traditions.
What aspect needs the most work?
The narrative reads: "Brahmin food is pure vegetarian and varied. There is Dal(pulses), Kadhi,(a kind of soup) Chappatis,(Bread)" I recommend that each of these foods be expanded to an entire paragraph. The writer could desribe the fragrance and color and method of preparation (boiling for three hours, baking for ten minutes) for each of these foods. By not pausing to describe the foods, the author has missed an opportunity for providing interesting writing. Also, when we read the character "Suryanavshi," I suggest that the author devote a sentence or two describing how to pronounce this name, and to describe alternate pronunciations, and to describing similar names in India. By not pausing to focus on this name, or on the origin of this name, the author has lost an opportunity for providing some interesting writing.
What is your overall opinion of this excerpt?
This story is refreshing among most of the samples provided by Amazon.com, in that it is easy to understand what is going on, despite the unfamiliar environment of the present story (a remote province in India). In other words, in most of the stories provided by Amazon.com, the authors clutter up the narratives of ordinary, prosaic events, by plunging into details about the weather, or about exaggerated emotions, or about irrelevant things, like traffic. But the present story, about India, does NOT suffer from these problems. Although the prose does seem to be written by an amateur-author, the author writes clearly and it is easy for the reader to see that a genuine story is being developed. I would have liked the author to have added more bizarre customs from India, for example (this is my own made-up example), animal sacrifice. I know, for example, that 150 years ago in India they had human sacrifice in a practice called, "Satti." Therefore, I would expect some bizarre practices to still be in practice in India, and I would have liked to have seen them integrated into this story///////////////////(End of Review)
Manohar Bhatia comments on the reviews:::::;
I do appreciate ABNA reviewers.The first reviewer said that he is surprised at my childish writing and yet likes reading my excerpt.He is impressed by the overall opinion of the excerpt and found the story engaging......I found I have scored here.Although I write pidgin English, but still he found it very charming.
The second reviewer says that although the story is set in the most improvished province of India(Uttar Pradesh),still this reviewer feels will draw the reader in ,so that he can know strange cultural practices and traditions.Overall,he found the story refreshing among other samples sent on amazon.com
Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award Reviews
ABNA Expert Reviewer
What is the strongest aspect of this excerpt?
This writer has a curious style – at once childish and yet descriptive. Since it is coming from another culture, I came to appreciate the choppiness of the prose after a few paragraphs. The allegories were fun.
What aspect needs the most work?
Overall, I found the language to be perhaps a bit TOO simple and childish, and feel the author needs to revisit their story for some editing and tightening up of the story without losing any of the essential English-as-a-second-language flavor.
What is your overall opinion of this excerpt?
I found myself surprised that I liked it and found the story engaging. The author writes in a kind of pidgin English that is easy to understand and also very charming.
ABNA Expert Reviewer
What is the strongest aspect of this excerpt?
The story takes place in an unfamiliar environment, the most impoverished province in India (Uttar Pradesh). This draws the reader in, because the reader will be interested in strange cultural practices and strange traditions.
What aspect needs the most work?
The narrative reads: "Brahmin food is pure vegetarian and varied. There is Dal(pulses), Kadhi,(a kind of soup) Chappatis,(Bread)" I recommend that each of these foods be expanded to an entire paragraph. The writer could desribe the fragrance and color and method of preparation (boiling for three hours, baking for ten minutes) for each of these foods. By not pausing to describe the foods, the author has missed an opportunity for providing interesting writing. Also, when we read the character "Suryanavshi," I suggest that the author devote a sentence or two describing how to pronounce this name, and to describe alternate pronunciations, and to describing similar names in India. By not pausing to focus on this name, or on the origin of this name, the author has lost an opportunity for providing some interesting writing.
What is your overall opinion of this excerpt?
This story is refreshing among most of the samples provided by Amazon.com, in that it is easy to understand what is going on, despite the unfamiliar environment of the present story (a remote province in India). In other words, in most of the stories provided by Amazon.com, the authors clutter up the narratives of ordinary, prosaic events, by plunging into details about the weather, or about exaggerated emotions, or about irrelevant things, like traffic. But the present story, about India, does NOT suffer from these problems. Although the prose does seem to be written by an amateur-author, the author writes clearly and it is easy for the reader to see that a genuine story is being developed. I would have liked the author to have added more bizarre customs from India, for example (this is my own made-up example), animal sacrifice. I know, for example, that 150 years ago in India they had human sacrifice in a practice called, "Satti." Therefore, I would expect some bizarre practices to still be in practice in India, and I would have liked to have seen them integrated into this story///////////////////(End of Review)
Manohar Bhatia comments on the reviews:::::;
I do appreciate ABNA reviewers.The first reviewer said that he is surprised at my childish writing and yet likes reading my excerpt.He is impressed by the overall opinion of the excerpt and found the story engaging......I found I have scored here.Although I write pidgin English, but still he found it very charming.
The second reviewer says that although the story is set in the most improvished province of India(Uttar Pradesh),still this reviewer feels will draw the reader in ,so that he can know strange cultural practices and traditions.Overall,he found the story refreshing among other samples sent on amazon.com
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