Tuesday, November 24, 2009

F.O.R.M.---Plaeides************* A Form Of Poem.

F.O.R.M.- Pleiades Views: 37
Jul 28, 2009 9:50 am F.O.R.M.- Pleiades #

Jack Huber Pleiades

Named for the famous star cluster, a Pleiades is a seven-line poem without any set meter or rhyme. The seven brightest stars in the constellation were named for the “Seven Sisters” in Greek mythology, thus the seven lines. This form was invented about a decade ago by Craig Tigerman, an editor for Sol Magazine, an online poetry periodical.

A Pleiades has a one-word title and each of its seven lines begins with the same letter as the first letter in the title.

Example:

Weathermost

When the brilliant burst lights the sky,
We count off the seconds aloud,
Willing the delay longer before thunder
Wields its booming voice, interrupting our
Watch for the storm's next strike. Having
Withdrawn, our attention now returns to the
Window into Nature's electric choreography.


Copyright © 2009 by Jack Huber



Private Reply to Jack Huber

Jul 30, 2009 1:43 am re: F.O.R.M.- Pleiades #

Manohar Bhatia Hi Jack,
How beautiful?How do you pronounce Pleiades?I will come back to this thead after forming my Pleiades.
Manohar Bhatia


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Jul 30, 2009 5:19 am re: F.O.R.M.- Pleiades #

dalip daswani
THISTLE-DOWN
__________________

There is no horizon, no end to tyranny
To myth-making stereotypes and caricature
The spaghetti in a plate is quite streamlined
Till the amorous fork thrusts to entangle
To feed one's hunger and lustful appetite.
T'was you see the mating ball of serpents
That brought Eve and the apple to me.

................

Thanks Jack... looking forward to your feedback
cheers


Private Reply to dalip daswani

Jul 30, 2009 9:23 am re: re: F.O.R.M.- Pleiades #

Jack Huber It's pronounced "plee-uh-deez." I'm looking forward to seeing your poem.

Jack


Private Reply to Jack Huber

Jul 31, 2009 1:18 am re: re: re: F.O.R.M.- Pleiades #

Manohar Bhatia Hi Jack,
Thanks.Here's my Pleiades:::::::::::::

MISUNDERSTOOD:::::::::

Misunderstanding is the
Most confusing word in the
Mind of many,sadly
Misunderstaood for
Many times over
Mundane things,sometimes taken as
Moonshine in their life.

Jack,I have tried it,I do not know whether it is correct.

Manohar Bhatia


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Jul 31, 2009 9:04 am re: re: re: re: F.O.R.M.- Pleiades #

Jack Huber Yes, Manohar, you have written a fine Pleiades according to form. Nice piece!

Jack


Private Reply to Jack Huber

Aug 01, 2009 6:49 am re: re: re: re: re: F.O.R.M.- Pleiades #

Manohar Bhatia Hi Jack,
Oh!Jack,I am so thrilled to be acknowledged for writing a Pleiades by a fine poet like on my first attempt.I am going to keep this piece with me as a memento!Thanks for showing me something new!

Manohar Bhatia


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A Poem*************** "On Smallest"

Poem: "On Smallest" Views: 34
Aug 17, 2009 9:44 am Poem: "On Smallest" #

Manohar Bhatia
Short Poem::::::::: "On Smallest"
The smallest distance
between two points
is a line;but the
smallest distance between
two persons is only
a line of communication!

The smallest planet in the
universe is not a star
as seen by a naked eye,
but a STAR that cannot be
seen in an ugly planet!

The smallest appreciation
is not the one saying
'thank you'but a smallest
gesture that shows appreciation
without saying anything!

The smallest mistake is
not the one that hurts the
self,but the one that
hurt the other selves!

The smallest truth is not
the one which is real,
but the one that is
a lie fabricated by truth!

The smallest error between
cup and lip is a slip,
And the smallest mistake
between patience and restraint
is slip of the tongue!

The smallest compact disc
is not the one
measured in size,
but is the one
with unlimited storage!

The smallest talk
is not the one spoken
by mouth,but the one
known by telepathy!

The smallest walk
is not of one step,
but a walk-over
in your absence!

The smallest tide
is not measured in height,
but is calculated
in the affairs of men!

The smallest confusion
is not with word 'confusion'
in an English language
but 'confusion' being used
as a metaphor!

The smallest love
is not a kiss planted
on the lips,but a
love camouflaged by lust!

_____ The End ____




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Aug 17, 2009 11:19 am re: Poem: "On Smallest" #

Diane Tegarden
Hi Manohar,

this is my favorite stanza of your poem:

"The smallest appreciation
is not the one saying
'thank you' but a smallest
gesture that shows appreciation
without saying anything!"


I can relate.

Thanks for leading off our poetry thread this morning,
Diane

Energetically Yours, Diane Tegarden
"Getting OUT of Limbo-A Self Help Divorce Book for Women";"Light Through
Shuttered Window- A Compendium of my Poetry";"Anti-Vigilante and The
Rips in Time"- available at www.firewalkerpublications.com and www.Amazon.com


Private Reply to Diane Tegarden

Aug 17, 2009 12:48 pm re: Poem: "On Smallest" #

Jack Huber I can tell a lot of thought went into this poem. A nice read.

Jack


Private Reply to Jack Huber

Aug 18, 2009 6:13 am re: re: Poem: "On Smallest" #

Manohar Bhatia Hello,

Diane:Thank you for reading and liking a stanza
Jack: Your sweetness shows in your comments.

Manohar Bhatia


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Aug 18, 2009 6:53 am re: re: re: Poem: "On Smallest" #

Deb..... Always SMILING! Manohar simply beautiful, I loved every stanza in this poem! Chuckled on the last one though.


Private Reply to Deb..... Always SMILING!

Aug 18, 2009 7:02 am re: re: re: re: Poem: "On Smallest" #

Manohar Bhatia Hello,
Deb,little baby,thank you for enjoying.
Manohar Bhatia


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"Whence Gonneth Those Days?" ***********A Poem

"Whence Gonneth Those Days?"::::::::::::::::::::: A PoemSaturday, September 5, 2009 Views: 39
Sep 07, 2009 3:38 am "Whence Gonneth Those Days?"::::::::::::::::::::: A PoemSaturday, September 5, 2009 #

Manohar Bhatia This poem is my real experience when I was in my teens.Feedback and editing wanted by Jack,Diane and others.Thanks.


"Whence Gonneth Those Days?"............A Poem
When we were young,energetic,full of life,
On Sunday mornings,we were at Colaba,
At our granny's house,with uncles,aunts,nieces,
Stretching ourselves at the secluded beaches,
Swimming in the backbay waters,
Eating mangoes,basking in the sun,
Playing with shells,pebbles,gun,
Sometimes burying ourselves in the sand,
Remaining there for a long time,
With only our heads popping out for fun!

Noontime,there were afternoon siestas,
Dead tired after watching on telly some fiestas,
Now, when clock strikes 5.00 p.m.
We have hot cups of tea,
With spicy cutlets,crispy nuggets,
To pamper our villianous pallets.

By evenings,we get ready
To trot to Eros Theatre steady,
Screening Marx Bros,Laurel&Hardy,
Or slapstick comedy of Dean Martin & Jerry Lewis,
A laugh riot of our lives,
Till tear fall off our eyes!

At nightfalls,we had wooden cots,
Laid out under pipal trees,flower pots,
With the cool evening breeze blowing,
Hearing fairy tales from Granny at bedtime,
And falling asleep like a log!

Oh! Those were the days,
Waking up one fine morning,
From a soft bed into luminious sunlight,
Feeling warm,well fed,well loved,
well cared for a longing
peace,silence,stillness, bliss!
Will those days ever commeth?

____ The End_____




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Sep 07, 2009 8:25 am re: "Whence Gonneth Those Days?"::::::::::::::::::::: A Poem Saturday, September 5, 2009 #

Diane Tegarden
Manohar,
this delightful poem is sweet and rife with good memories, great description and feeling to it. I felt like I was there with you, basking in the joy of a wonderful childhood.

The only way those days will return is when you provide the same wondrous experiences for your children!

Blessed Be my friend,
Diane T. and furfamily


Only two suggestions on word use...perhaps you could title it "Whence Went Those Days?" as gonneth isn't a proper word and the word pallet is a wooden bed and many other things, but a palate is the word used to convey the sense of taste!

Energetically Yours, Diane Tegarden
"Getting OUT of Limbo-A Self Help Divorce Book for Women";"Light Through
Shuttered Window- A Compendium of my Poetry";"Anti-Vigilante and The
Rips in Time"- available at www.firewalkerpublications.com and www.Amazon.com


Private Reply to Diane Tegarden

Sep 08, 2009 12:09 am re: re: "Whence Gonneth Those Days?"::::::::::::::::::::: A Poem Saturday, September 5, 20 #

Manohar Bhatia Diane,
Thanks for your feedback;of course I feel delighted you liked the poem,because,as I explained earlier,it is real.Yes,the word 'pallets' is not what I meant;its an oversight,the word should be 'palate' and 'Gonneth'does not sound as good as 'went'
Cheers Diane for being good in your help.

Manohar Manohar.


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Sep 08, 2009 5:08 pm re: "Whence Gonneth Those Days?"::::::::::::::::::::: A PoemSaturday, September 5, 2009 #

Teresa Mahieu Ahhhh, so despriptive and such a vivid picture this painted. Well done!!

Happy Writing,
Teresa aka Tess



Private Reply to Teresa Mahieu

Sep 10, 2009 2:49 am re: re: "Whence Gonneth Those Days?"::::::::::::::::::::: A PoemSaturday, September 5, 200 #

Manohar Bhatia Dear Theresa,

Thanks sweet madam for reading the poem and enjoying it;I am happy for it.
Manohar Bhatia


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Sep 11, 2009 9:29 am re: "Whence Gonneth Those Days?"::::::::::::::::::::: A PoemSaturday, September 5, 2009 #

Sarah Rahman You have expressed your story impressively in a poetic way.

Keep it up!

And yes, I thoroughly enjoyed reading it.

Take care and be blessed.


Private Reply to Sarah Rahman

Sep 12, 2009 8:04 am re: re: "Whence Gonneth Those Days?"::::::::::::::::::::: A PoemSaturday, September 5, 200 #

Manohar Bhatia Dear Sarah,
Thanks for reading the poem and enjoining it;it makes me happy.

Manohar Bhatia


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A Short Poem On:::::::::::::: "What if.............?"

Short Poem on:::::::::::"What if ?" Views: 37
Jul 02, 2009 5:40 am Short Poem on:::::::::::"What if ?" #

Manohar Bhatia


Oh waelthy Man!
Would it spoil your plan,
"What if" you share,
some of your wealth
with a poor man?

Oh,Mother Nature,the Provider!
Would it spoil your plan,
"What if" you feed every
hungry soul on this planet?

Oh,Rainfalls,the benefactor!
Would it spoil your plan,
"What if" you quench
every thirsty living
entity on our earth?

Oh,Time,the Healer!
Would it spoil your plan,
"What if" you stood still
for a minute,to allow mankind
to introspect for ending wars
and ushering in an era of
peace and happiness for all?

Oh,Nuclear Weapons countries,
Would it spoil your plan
"What if" you eliminate
all your nuclear arsenal
and make this planet Earth
your real Home,free from
fear,domination,false
prestige and power?

Oh,Cricketers of the world,
Would it spoil your plan
"What if" you stopped gambling
So that,Cricket can again
become a gentlemen's game?

Oh,Jesus Christ,my Savior,my Master
Would it spoil your plan
"What if" you were born again
to lead the lost tribes
of our wayward humanity
into the Kingdom of Heaven?

____ The End ____

Manohar Bhatia


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Jul 02, 2009 12:59 pm re: Short Poem on:::::::::::"What if ?" #

Glen Hamilton Manohar,

Good questions. However, some of the things you mentioned, (nature, rainfall, time) ARE accomplishing the tasks you mentioned. It's just that there are either so many looking for a way to profit from their labor the rest can't see the benefits they provide, are they are so busy identifying what they don't have they can't see what they have.

As for the questions you ask of men? It is no secret that they are being led by the Destroyer, who would like nothing better than for everything in existence to perish

As for your conclusion? He is, as we speak. The difficulty is, he may be saying things the Majority don't want to hear. As you'll recall, they laughed at and ridiculed Jeremiah in his time, and Noah as well - didn't change the outcome. The key to hearing what needs to be heard, is not the eloquence of the speaker, but the willingness of the ears to listen to the message, and evaluate it on it's own merit. But people rarely do this. Everything is judged by what we already know (the Zen Master pouring tea for the Disciple). Unfortunately, most of our lives are spent absorbing the half-baked convictions of people with significant influence, and only a portion (often a small one) of all the pertinent information.

I, myself, have been a student of spirituality, and of the Bible, for many years. I have received my education from exposure to many different ideologies, from supposed scholars and experts, and from personal research and study. I believe my understandings to be fairly accurate, as far as they are complete (which they are not. Yet).

To say that there are none who have independently reached the same conclusions I have would be incorrect. I have found an Organization that seems to have a good foundation in the mystical 'TRUTH' that everyone else claims to have. This assessment is based, not on the specific answers they gave to my questions, but on how they approached answering them - they showed me evidence, in black and white; and not just from one place, but from many, highlighting the consistency of the mind of God (which most men DON'T have), from ANY Bible I chose to provide them with. But everyone laughs at them. Is that a detractor? Or is it a badge?

Sadly, however, as with all Earthly Organizations, they are comprised of Men, with all of the weaknesses, foibles,and jealousies that flesh is heir to.

Overall, a nice and thoughtful piece.

But if this is a short poem, I'm not sure I'd have the stamina to read a 'Long' one.

Be Well!

POB


Private Reply to Glen Hamilton

Jul 03, 2009 2:06 am re: re: Short Poem on:::::::::::"What if ?" #

dalip daswani
..on "hearing" and "listening" (are they the same?), and Zen...

...the following, adapted from a Zen story:


The client-patient left for his appointment carrying a flask full of his psychiatrist’s favorite beverage. He poured the doctor’s cup full, and then kept on pouring. The psychiatrist watched the overflow until he no longer could restrain himself, screaming: “It is overfull. No more will go in!”

“Like this cup”, the patient said, “you are over-flowing with your own opinions and speculations. How can you receive the truth of my life, unless you first empty your cup?”







Private Reply to dalip daswani

Jul 03, 2009 2:52 pm re: re: re: Short Poem on:::::::::::"What if ?" #

Glen Hamilton Dalip,

You asked:

”..on "hearing" and "listening" (are they the same?)”

I would have to say no. I have seen my ex pursue conversation where it was obvious she was hearing the other parties talk in that she waited until they were almost finished with their thought before she began expressing hers. However it was also obvious by what she said that she hadn’t been listening to what was said at all. A habit I have unfortunately picked up in the 12 years I lived with her.

” and Zen...”

This is much the story I had been referring to. Your new version adds a new twist.

”“Like this cup”, the patient said, “you are over-flowing with your own opinions and speculations. How can you receive the truth of my life, unless you first empty your cup?”

As in the previous version, it is difficult to learn if we already believe we know all there is to know. But in this version, having the patient pour for the Psychiatrist, he had a right to demand an open mind to pour out his views to – he was paying for the privilege.

Perhaps I do sometimes wax verbose. I have had 40 years to form my opinions, and used to associate with an organization that espoused public expression of opinions. I have cut way back, believe me.

But old habits die hard.

Be Well!

POB :-)


Private Reply to Glen Hamilton

Jul 09, 2009 8:57 am re: re: Short Poem on:::::::::::"What if ?" #

Manohar Bhatia Hi Glen,
Thanks for your comments on my poem:::::"What if?"
I was priveliged to read your wise thoughts and I learnt quite a bit...."The key to hearing what needs to be heard,is not the eloquence of the speaker,but the willingness of the ears to listen to the message and evaluate it on its own merit."

With regards,
Manohar Bhatia


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"Beyond The Mountain" ::::::::::::::A Poem

F.O.R.M.- Monchielle Views: 86
Nov 17, 2009 8:53 pm F.O.R.M.- Monchielle #

Jack Huber The Monchielle poem consists of four five-line stanzas in which the first line is identical in each stanza. All lines are six syllables in length, in any meter, and lines three and five in each stanza rhyme. Lines one, two and four do not rhyme.

Example:

Behold the Hawk

The hawk surveys the grounds
with keen and focused eyes,
no movement will escape
attention; none will taunt
this feared and stoic shape.

The hawk surveys the grounds,
his kingdom, from the trees,
majestic wings await
a mouse or smaller bird
oblivious to fate.

The hawk surveys the grounds
as afternoon declines
the ravens' calls begin
a frantic chorus line,
his brothers closing in.

The hawk surveys the grounds,
his nest and mate nearby,
well past the harvest moon,
there is no time to waste
with winter coming soon.


Copyright © 2009 by Jack Huber-
All rights reserved.



Private Reply to Jack Huber

Nov 17, 2009 8:56 pm re: F.O.R.M.- Monchielle #

Diane Stephenson Jack: Great descriptive poem. I've never heard of this form before but it is very interesting and effective.

Diane


Private Reply to Diane Stephenson

Nov 17, 2009 9:42 pm re: re: F.O.R.M.- Monchielle #

Jack Huber Thanks, Diane. I hope you'll try your hand...

Jack


Private Reply to Jack Huber

Nov 18, 2009 12:59 am re: F.O.R.M.- Monchielle #

Maya Mahant hiya jack, i am not too sure i have it right

cats don't cry

oh why oh why oh why
he said he loved me not
words he spoke pierced my heart
words of tears,spoke through eyes,
arrow sharp, had hurt the heart

oh why oh why oh why
his heart was with a girl
sweet of heart, not a cat
who scratched,but girl smart
rode straight into his heart.

oh why oh why oh why
he answers not calls now
busy with his love new
from lands of far and wide
this cat, too proud to mew

oh why oh why oh why
alley cat shall walk streets
independent and alone
bereft lonely and sad
cats will not cry and moan


Private Reply to Maya Mahant

Nov 18, 2009 8:23 am re: re: F.O.R.M.- Monchielle #

Jack Huber Maya, a very cute poem. The only thing keeping it from fully conforming to the Monchielle form is the wrong lines rhyme in the 2nd stanza (the third and fifth lines of each stanza should rhyme). Also, in the first stanza, using heart twice doesn't really count as rhyiming.

Jack


Private Reply to Jack Huber

Nov 18, 2009 8:56 am re: re: re: F.O.R.M.- Monchielle #

Maya Mahant jack tweaked it a little bit. did i get it right this time? and yes you are right sounds bit cutesy like the 'chickflick romances'!!

cats don't cry

oh why oh why oh why
he said he loved me not
words he spoke pierced my soul
arrow sharp, had hurt the heart
will alley cat be ever whole?


oh why oh why oh why
his heart was with a girl
sweet of heart, not a feline
who scratched,but girl smart
into his heart made a beeline

oh why oh why oh why
he answers not calls now
busy with his love new
from lands of far and wide
this cat, too proud to mew

oh why oh why oh why
alley cat shall walk streets
independent and alone
bereft lonely and sad
cat will not cry and moan


Private Reply to Maya Mahant

Nov 18, 2009 1:07 pm re: re: re: re: F.O.R.M.- Monchielle #

Jack Huber The rhyming is now purrrfect, but the number of syllables is off in a few lines:

arrow sharp, had hurt the heart (7)
will alley cat be ever whole? (8)
sweet of heart, not a feline (7)
who scratched,but girl smart (5)
into his heart made a beeline (8)

Now, this is only to conform perfectly. You can choose not to, making it a variation on the Monchielle.

Jack





Private Reply to Jack Huber

Nov 18, 2009 3:16 pm re: re: re: re: re: F.O.R.M.- Monchielle #

Maya Mahant jack i hope i might have it right this time. i would really like to get it right. thank you so very much for taking the trouble and patience to guide me.

arrow sharp, hurt the heart
will cat be ever whole?
sweet of heart, not feline
who scratched,but girl so smart
to his heart made beeline

with warm regards
maya


Private Reply to Maya Mahant

Nov 18, 2009 5:28 pm re: re: re: re: re: re: F.O.R.M.- Monchielle #

Jack Huber The new syllable counts are corrct. Why don't you post your final version?

Jack


Private Reply to Jack Huber

Nov 19, 2009 5:37 am re: re: re: re: re: re: re: F.O.R.M.- Monchielle #

Maya Mahant hiya jack,

all the while i wrote was without any technique. i am truly grateful to you and this forum. in a short while i have learnt two new forms.

thank you

cats don't cry

oh why oh why oh why
he said he loved me not
words he spoke pierced my soul
arrow sharp, hurt the heart
will cat be ever whole?


oh why oh why oh why
his heart was with a girl
sweet of heart, not feline
who scratched,but girl so smart
to his heart made beeline

oh why oh why oh why
he answers not calls now
busy with his love new
from lands of far and wide
this cat, too proud to mew

oh why oh why oh why
alley cat shall walk streets
independent and alone
bereft lonely and sad
cat will not cry and moan


Private Reply to Maya Mahant

Nov 19, 2009 10:18 pm re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: F.O.R.M.- Monchielle #

Ayub Bangroo Jack,your poem reminds me of a poem "hawk roosting"by Ted Huges.Beautiful description.
Maya,superb poem,feelings and emotions are so delicately woven with appropriate words.


Private Reply to Ayub Bangroo

Nov 19, 2009 11:48 pm re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: F.O.R.M.- Monchielle #

Manohar Bhatia Jacko,
Your poem is very intersting to read,especially in the F.O.R.M. you have written.This is something new for me to understand and learn.Jack,keep your fingers crossed,I am thinking to craft this type of a poem.

Manohar Bhatia


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Nov 20, 2009 12:11 am re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: F.O.R.M.- Monchielle #

Maya Mahant hiya ayub,

thank you, credit for form is all jacks, he helped me through it.

warm regards
maya


Private Reply to Maya Mahant

Nov 20, 2009 1:24 am re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: F.O.R.M.- Monchielle #

Manohar Bhatia Dear Maya,
Your instant brave attempt for Jacko's F.O.R.M. is praiseworthy;keep writing more poetry,you are doing fine.

Manohar Bhatia


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Nov 20, 2009 10:01 am re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: F.O.R.M.- Monchielle #

Manohar Bhatia Hi Jack,
After working hard,I have come up with this poem on your F.O.R.M.--Monchielle:::::::::

"Beyond The Mountain."

Beyond the Mountain nestles
at the end of the valley
a clean beautiful plateau
with a cluster of huts
all identical like a ghetto!

Beyond the Mountain nestles
a breathtaking scene
the air,so crisp,clean,mild,
for beautiful flowers to bloom
and tiny animals running in the wild.

Beyond the Mountain nestles
a nature's paradise
with a gentle flowing stream
and small pebbles embedded
on either banks in the green!

Beyond the Mountain nestles
a beautiful gothic church
its tower bell ringing
a soothing soft sound
and people with bible in hand singing!

---The End---

Manohar Bhatia


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Nov 20, 2009 10:33 am re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: F.O.R.M.- Monchielle #

Jack Huber A very good poem, Manohar. However, the true Monchielle will use exactly 6 syllables per line. For your convenience I've noted the number of syllables at the end of each line of your poem:

Beyond the Mountain nestles (7)
at the end of the valley (7)
a clean beautiful plateau (7)
with a cluster of huts (6)
all identical like a ghetto! (9)

Beyond the Mountain nestles (7)
a breathtaking scene (5)
the air,so crisp,clean,mild, (6)
for beautiful flowers to bloom (8)
and tiny animals running in the wild. (11)

Beyond the Mountain nestles (7)
a nature's paradise (6)
with a gentle flowing stream (7)
and small pebbles embedded (7)
on either banks in the green! (7)

Beyond the Mountain nestles (7)
a beautiful gothic church (7)
its tower bell ringing (6)
a soothing soft sound (5)
and people with bible in hand singing! (10)


Thought you would want to know.

Jack


Private Reply to Jack Huber

Nov 23, 2009 7:22 am re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: F.O.R.M.- Monchielle #

Manohar Bhatia Jack,
I have corrected the syllables in each line and now the poem reads as::::::::::

"Beyond The Mountain."

Beyond the mountain wall
at the end of valley
nestles clean,beautiful plateau
with a cluster of huts
all same like a ghetto!

Beyond the mountain wall
is a breathtaking scene
the air so crisp,clean,mild
for coloured flowers to bloom
and bees buzzing in wild!

Beyond the mountain wall
is nature's paradise
with gentle flowing stream
and small pebbles burried
on either banks in green!

Beyond the mountain wall
stands lovely Gothic Church
its tower bell ringing
a soothing soft sound
with people praying,singing!

--The End--
Manohar Bhatia


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"So Long As............." A Poem

"So Long As......................" ******** APoem. Views: 42
Nov 09, 2009 8:51 am "So Long As......................" ******** APoem. #

Manohar Bhatia Hello,
I was reading an article in a newspaper,which started as:::::So Long As..... and then this poem came to me.

So long as the Sun,Moon,Stars shine,
So long as This,and This gives light to thine.

So long as,the heart beats everlastingly,
So long This,and This gives us retreat continiously.

So long as Love in the Universe permeates,
So long This,and This helps earthlings to procreate.

So long as Man & Woman love each other
So lond This,and This keeps Family to-gather.

So long as children play games without ashtrays,
So long This,and This keeps them away from cigarettes!

So long as Father & Son with each other are bonded,
So long This,and This will keep them grounded.

So long as the rivers are gently flowing,
So long This,and This helps crops slowly growing.

So long as M-Law & D-Law are united in understanding
So long This,and This will goad them to become M & D notwithstanding.

So long as there is thruthfulness in thought,word,deed,
So long as This, and This is the ideal life we need!

So long as your kite is flying in the air,
So long This,and This is your glider at the Fair!

So long as there are Poets in this world,
So long as This,and This is where Poetry will be created in this world.

So long as Death is at your door-step,
So long This,and This is your moment of truth for your last stop!

Manohar Bhatia



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Nov 09, 2009 10:05 am re: "So Long As......................" ******** A Poem. #

Diane Tegarden
Manohar,
this poem has a song-like quality to it, the refrain keeps you interested in coming back again and again.


BTW, we have reached a milestone....we just signed on our 300th member!

Hip Hip Huzzah the Bards!

Energetically Yours, Diane Tegarden
"Getting OUT of Limbo-A Self Help Divorce Book for Women";"Light Through
Shuttered Window- A Compendium of my Poetry";"Anti-Vigilante and The
Rips in Time"- available at www.firewalkerpublications.com and www.Amazon.com


Private Reply to Diane Tegarden

Nov 09, 2009 10:23 am re: "So Long As......................" ******** APoem. #

Teresa Mahieu So long as you remain at Ryze,
So long This and This will keep me returning for more.

Loved your poem, it contains many truths and has a nice flow.

Teresa aka Tess
http://www.associatedcontent.com/tess1960



Private Reply to Teresa Mahieu

Nov 09, 2009 12:14 pm re: "So Long As......................" ******** APoem. #

Jack Huber The couplets format and the repeated phrases really make a reader think. Well done.

Jack


Private Reply to Jack Huber

Nov 09, 2009 1:20 pm re: re: "So Long As......................" ******** APoem. #

Maya Mahant hiya manohar, read your poem over and over again imbibing all the nuances. maya


Private Reply to Maya Mahant

Nov 10, 2009 8:12 am re: "So Long As......................" ******** APoem. #

Ayub Bangroo
So many realities depicted,an enchanting and didactic one.


Private Reply to Ayub Bangroo

Nov 11, 2009 6:49 am re: "So Long As......................" ******** APoem. #

Manohar Bhatia Hello,
Di:Your usual pat is always welcome!
Teresa:That's a nice one from you on ryze!
Jack:Couplet coping is interested to be commented upon!
Maya:Thanks a heap!
Ayub:Your encouraging words are a delight to read!

Manohar Bhatia


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Nov 13, 2009 5:11 am re: "So Long As......................" ******** APoem. #

Manohar Bhatia Hello,
I thank all of you who commented on the poem.However,on second thought,I propose to make a change in this couplet:::::::::::::::::::::::

"So long as children play games without ashtrays,
So long This,and This cigarettes them not to go astray!"

I have used 'cigarettes' as a form of verb;please correct me if I am wrong.Thanks.

Manohar Bahtia


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"Tango & Tonga"................A Poem

"Tango And Tonga"..................... A Poem Views: 62
Oct 30, 2009 9:02 am "Tango And Tonga"..................... A Poem #

Manohar Bhatia Hello,

This poem was inspired from an indian classic film shot in 1960 named: "Naya Daur"It had a living legendary star Dilip Kumar and a vivacious beautiful actress,Vijayantimala as the lead stars.One day,both of them go to a temple to pray in a Tonga(A single horse carriage),owned by the hero of the film.Then,whilst returning,a beautiful Hindi song is picturized on the two in this Tonga.At this point, the poem hit me and I immediately wrote it down.
When Dilip Kumar asks his lady love,what did she ask God,the actress breaks into this classic song......"Mang ke saat tumara,mene, mang liya sansar.........etc" i.e "If I have your support,I will have the world......etc"(Translated).Feedback wanted by Diane,Jack,others.

Tango And Tonga.........A Poem.

It takes two to Tango
Ultimately becoming one for bingo!
A beautiful dance taking poetic form
Where grace & style are the norm.

Tango was born in working city halls,
by passionate dancers,Carlos Gardel
in alive cities of Buenos Aires,Montivideo
in South American city of Argentina.

Tango can accelerate your well-being
Bringing elixir of life to a new high
of excitement,health,joy,happiness,
for you to experience again and again.

Dance steps are hectic,fast,furious
leaving the onlookers in a rush
of emotions,romantic passions,faster heart-beats
in an excitment movements of their bodies.

Tango is a single dance form
where two dancers move to horn,
Man and Woman,merging,fusing,melting
into a Tonga-driven single horse-carriage!

---- The End--------

Manohar Bhatia


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Nov 02, 2009 8:14 am re: "Tango And Tonga"..................... A Poem #

Diane Tegarden
Manohar,
your poem creates image of movement and spice, just like the dance you're writing about.
Thanks for sharing your inspirations with us,
Diane

Energetically Yours, Diane Tegarden
"Getting OUT of Limbo-A Self Help Divorce Book for Women";"Light Through
Shuttered Window- A Compendium of my Poetry";"Anti-Vigilante and The
Rips in Time"- available at www.firewalkerpublications.com and www.Amazon.com


Private Reply to Diane Tegarden

Nov 02, 2009 12:51 pm re: "Tango And Tonga"..................... A Poem #

Jack Huber Thanks for the prologue, it helped interpret your poem. I ditto what Diane says, it faintly echos the movement of the dance your are describing.

Jack


Private Reply to Jack Huber

Nov 02, 2009 11:08 pm re: re: "Tango And Tonga"..................... A Poem #

Manohar Bhatia Hi Di,Jack,
To be frank with you,I was pretty nervous,when I conceived this sort of poem.There was no reaction from either of you and I thought I had written something weird sort of a poem.My senses came back to me when I read your comments;thank God for small mercies and thanks to both of you too!
As an addentum,I can assure you that I always write from my heart,but sometimes................?

Manohar Bhatia


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Nov 03, 2009 8:23 am re: "Tango And Tonga"........ a response about - responses! ;> #

Diane Tegarden Manohar,
being on a worldwide network means that people will respond as well as time allows, it is certainly no reflection of your art!

If that were so, I'd have to go around with my head hung low all the time, unfortunately (as a network leader) my posts are the ones most often ignored, and if I took it personally I'd be in a blue funk all the time!

Take heart, sometimes life throws a lot at the thread leaders and we can't always get back to you right away, it doesn't mean we think any less of your poetry, it simply means that life can be extremely busy at times.

I appreciate all you do for the network, have faith in yourself and know we are doing the best we can in the time we have,

Big Smiles and Hugs,
Diane T. and furfamily

Energetically Yours, Diane Tegarden
"Getting OUT of Limbo-A Self Help Divorce Book for Women";"Light Through
Shuttered Window- A Compendium of my Poetry";"Anti-Vigilante and The
Rips in Time"- available at www.firewalkerpublications.com and www.Amazon.com


Private Reply to Diane Tegarden

Nov 03, 2009 9:30 am re: re: re: "Tango And Tonga"..................... A Poem #

Jack Huber I'll add to what Diane said...

Even if I didn't like it (which is not the case), I would have hoped that it would not affect you so negatively.

When I first started writing poetry in earnest a little over two years ago, I experimented with all kinds of meter and rhyming schemes, some of which was awful. I can hardly stand to look at some of my oldest work. But I posted them in poetry forums so that I could get better, sometimes getting some horrendous feedback in the process, and I did get better. I set about learning classic forms and meter and learned the "rules" so that I knew how to break them wisely. And I wrote a LOT, about 250 poems since then. I'm still experimenting and learning new forms, and still writing poems that aren't always the greatest pieces. They don't have to be.

I've said this before- you are the world's foremost authority on what you like. If you like something you wrote, you like it and that's that.

Hope this helps. Keep writing!

Jack


Private Reply to Jack Huber

Nov 03, 2009 11:04 am re: re: re: re: "Tango And Tonga"..................... A Poem #

Ayub Bangroo
ManoharG,
Old hindi songs are evergreen.So many mixtures have come in between which had a timely attraction and then disappeared.Your effort to translate the one which struck you deep is genuine and indeed right from the heart.
of course some complimentary words from the ones around does help.This is just human.
Regards
Ayub


Private Reply to Ayub Bangroo

Nov 03, 2009 10:58 pm re: re: "Tango And Tonga"........ a response about - responses! ;> #

Manohar Bhatia Hi Di,Jack,Ayoob,
Every human being is an emotional fool(pun!)and I am one of the many.Praise,if it is genuine,lifts a person to a new high;ridicule befalls him to a new low!
But,ladies & gentlemen,frankly,people are afraid,hesitant,for praise;whilst for critisism,they come with all their weapons.
What could be the reasons?...........I don't know.

Manohar Bhatia


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Nov 04, 2009 5:19 pm re: "Tango And Tonga"..................... A Poem #

Mikelina West Alright.

http://www.tenonanatche.com/slate.htm
http://www.tenonanatche.com/granite.htm
http://www.tenonanatche.com/marble.htm
http://www.tenonanatche.com/travertine.htm


Private Reply to Mikelina West

Nov 11, 2009 7:13 am re: re: "Tango And Tonga"..................... A Poem #

Manohar Bhatia Jack,
I was impressed by your words::::::::"it faintly echoes the movement of the dance you are describing...."
Yes Jack,its true,because this poem..."Tango" and the single horse carraige.."Tonga" have a connection in my poem,althouggh this connection has come unconciously.Just as the horse in the song is making musical sound of its hooves....tuk,tuk,tuk,tuk..... and to me has a dance form,so also in the "Tango" dance,Man & Woman make love,music,movement and so definitely,this inspired poem has come from this prologue.Regards,

Manohar Bhatia


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A Poem:::::::::::::::"Tick, Tick, Tick........."

A Poem:::::::::::::::::::::: "Tick, Tick, Tick..............." Views: 31
Nov 16, 2009 7:49 am A Poem:::::::::::::::::::::: "Tick, Tick, Tick..............." #

Manohar Bhatia Hello,
This fictional poem was written a long time back,when my late wife was alive,but I thought it was time to share it with my members.
For those of you,who might be interested in knowing my wife,Shoba Bhatia,please click on my friends'list on Shoba Bhatia and read her profile.She was a former member of ryze for some years.Thanks.

I see my clock on the wall
Saying tick,tick,tick,
You talk or don't talk,
My clock is ticking,
Tick, Tick, Tick.

Far, far, away,
In the deep oceans,
There are mighty tides,
Just as a small tide,
in my affairs.

My clock has no emotions,
but gives powerful message
of time we spent to-gather
in pursuit of love,friendships
courtships,events,happenings.

I know I have done wrong,
whence your anger knows no bounds,
only tell me the reason
of your hounding,bypassing,ignoring,
and not talking to me.

Oh! my beloved,
we can always sit calmly,
and talk things over,
to forgive,forget, and
turnover new life,of trust,love,care.

Life is far too short
to brood over,sulk,sink,
into mental turmoil,pain,depression,
'cause,my clock is ticking,
tick, tick, tick!

I kneel before you,cautioning,
You, me, everything
will be consumed
by the sound of
tick, tick, tick!

Only my clock,
will remain on the wall,
Deaf,dumb,muted,and balanced
but, still warning, sounding,
Tick! Tick! Tick!

---The End----

Manohar Bhatia


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Nov 16, 2009 10:35 am re: A Poem:::::::::::::::::::::: "Tick, Tick, Tick..............." #

Jack Huber "Life is far too short
to brood over, sulk, sink,
into mental turmoil, pain, depression,
'cause,my clock is ticking,
tick, tick, tick!"

Words to live by.

Jack



Private Reply to Jack Huber

Nov 16, 2009 10:56 am re: A Poem:::::::::::::::::::::: "Tick, Tick, Tick..............." #

Maya Mahant oh manohar,

what a lovely poem, i could feel the seconds ticking by.

warm regards
maya


Private Reply to Maya Mahant

Nov 16, 2009 11:17 am re: re: A Poem:::::::::::::::::::::: "Tick, Tick, Tick..............." #

Ayub Bangroo
Time is eternal,unstoppable,we feel it by hearing the tick,tick,tick.......


Private Reply to Ayub Bangroo

Nov 17, 2009 8:15 am re: re: re: A Poem:::::::::::::::::::::: "Tick, Tick, Tick..............." #

Diane Tegarden
Yes, Manohar, we all have that clock ticking our moments away, the key is to use that time the best we can because one never knows when the last moment will pass, and so shall we.

In honor of your late wife,
Diane

Energetically Yours, Diane Tegarden
"Getting OUT of Limbo-A Self Help Divorce Book for Women";"Light Through
Shuttered Window- A Compendium of my Poetry";"Anti-Vigilante and The
Rips in Time"- available at www.firewalkerpublications.com and www.Amazon.com


Private Reply to Diane Tegarden

Nov 17, 2009 9:57 pm re: A Poem:::::::::::::::::::::: "Tick, Tick, Tick..............." #

Manohar Bhatia Hello,
Jack:Thanks for liking a few words from the poem.
Maya:"I feel the seconds ticking by......" don't let go these moments of joy.
Ayub:"Time is eternal...." drown yourself in joy.
Diane:Many thanks to your tribute to my late wife,Shoba Bhatia.

Manohar Bhatia


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Sunday, November 8, 2009

Tango & Tonga............... A Poem

Post New Topic
"Tango And Tonga"..................... A Poem Views: 45
Oct 30, 2009 9:02 am "Tango And Tonga"..................... A Poem #

Manohar Bhatia Hello,

This poem was inspired from an indian classic film shot in 1960 named: "Naya Daur"It had a living legendary star Dilip Kumar and a vivacious beautiful actress,Vijayantimala as the lead stars.One day,both of them go to a temple to pray in a Tonga(A single horse carriage),owned by the hero of the film.Then,whilst returning,a beautiful Hindi song is picturized on the two in this Tonga.At this point, the poem hit me and I immediately wrote it down.
When Dilip Kumar asks his lady love,what did she ask God,the actress breaks into this classic song......"Mang ke saat tumara,mene, mang liya sansar.........etc" i.e "If I have your support,I will have the world......etc"(Translated).Feedback wanted by Diane,Jack,others.

Tango And Tonga.........A Poem.

It takes two to Tango
Ultimately becoming one for bingo!
A beautiful dance taking poetic form
Where grace & style are the norm.

Tango was born in working city halls,
by passionate dancers,Carlos Gardel
in alive cities of Buenos Aires,Montivideo
in South American city of Argentina.

Tango can accelerate your well-being
Bringing elixir of life to a new high
of excitement,health,joy,happiness,
for you to experience again and again.

Dance steps are hectic,fast,furious
leaving the onlookers in a rush
of emotions,romantic passions,faster heart-beats
in an excitment movements of their bodies.

Tango is a single dance form
where two dancers move to horn,
Man and Woman,merging,fusing,melting
into a Tonga-driven single horse-carriage!

---- The End--------

Manohar Bhatia